Art attack


I recently saw a bitingly funny stand-up comedian, who said, that when his nieces and nephews show him their splodgy paintings, he doesnt go ˜ooh and ˜aaah like their proud parents, but actually points out that their big brown blob on paper doesnt actually look anything like the boat/ elephant/fairy/racing car they wanted to draw.

Praising up the Yin/Yang

 Controversial I know, so before the letters of complaint about blatant child cruelty and psychological damage come flooding in, I want to say that I do, of course, think his behavour is outrageous and in real life we should be praising our children up the yinyang for their artistic endeavors, even if they do sometimes, or actually often, look like a pile of um ¦ poo.

 Unique expression

And this is also not the moment where I want to get into a discussion about what is art? Its completely understood that every piece of playdough sculpture is precious and a unique expression of the individual child and needs to be encouraged: Even if it does closely resemble a rude body part.

 Artistically challenged

Because heres the thing, its okay to when youre young to draw a couple of wiggly lines and call it a unicorn. Its sweet, its cute, its appealing. But when youre an artistically challenged grown up, (Unless of course you are showing at the gallery of Modern Art, are a famous artist and have a squillion dollar price tag on it) then life, as a parent, can be hell. I cant draw a stick insect and when it comes to craft, well, Im crap. I got thrown out of pottery classes, aged 11, for being so hopeless. Which would be fine but as a mother you constantly have to be making things and Im not really the making things kind-of mother. Im more the lets go to the mall and get one thats already made in China kind-of mother. Is that so bad? Apparently so, read on ¦

 Home made

You see, creative mums make BD cards, graphically design party invitations, hand paint lunch box name tags, you get the picture. Its so arty, sustainable and admirable. And frankly I cant take the pressure. Once, in a fit of madness, I decided to put together a wizard costume for my son, so I could feel, for once in my life, like a ˜proper mum.  I could have bought one pre-made in Myers for thirty bucks but no, I got the fabric, I got the ribbon, I got the spangly bits “ it cost a fortune. Two days and one hissy-fit later I took it to a local dressmaker who salvaged it for an additional cost of $90. Mmmm¦ But at least I could proudly claim it was home-made, I just didnt mention, not in my home. (Honestly, am I the only person whos done this?)


And if you are one of those, talented type mothers, who can in your lunch break, run up a dress for your daughters party that evening (no really, I had a friend who actually did this) then all I can say is, ease up sport, because you arent making life any easier for people like me who send their children to school, so teachers who are trained in felt shapes and double sided tape, can help them make masterpieces and clean up the mess afterwards.

So my excuse is buying the finished product means Im kick starting the economy, even if it is someone elses. Theres an art in that, somewhere ¦!

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