Twitter Time


Ive done it! Signed up to twitter”the all-singing, all-dancing social-networking platform. Damn it! I want to keep up with the youth of today. I want to be cutting edge even though my children tell me (repeatedly) that I will never succeed in being cutting edge.

˜Not even close, my nine-year-old daughter, Mia, smugly explained, before pointing out all the cutting edge devices I dont use on my mobile phone, as proof.

Okay, so I use my phone to actually talk to people, and text, occasionally. As for Bluetooth, voice dialling, graphic design, cell broadcasting (!) and pocket news? Forget about it. But apparently my phone can do all this and more, Mia tells me.


Anyway, I signed up to Twitter, but even restricted by the limit of a 140 character capsule, I found I was boring myself. ˜Have submitted my second manuscript to Allen & Unwin. Waiting to edit. I couldnt think of another sentence. Quickly, it dawned on me that I had little of interest to tweet.

But then, a couple of hours later, I found I had followers. (Sounds like a religious cult, doesnt it?) I got VERY excited. I had twitter friends! Take that all you Facebookers and MySpace goons!

And then?

Twitter pressure

After the excitement of finding I had followers, reality set in. Just because another person or persons read my twitter posts didnt mean that I had suddenly become interesting and had loads of exciting posts to share in cyber space.

What did my followers want from me? What did they want to read? How could I keep them entertained? If I wasnt coughing up the goods, how long would it be before they deserted me? I was having panic attacks at the very thought.

Keeping up with the Twitters

So I read what other people were twittering “ regular people like you and me. Heres what I came up with. People twitter about what theyre eating, what theyre reading/watching or are looking at. Yes, people twitter about sitting in a park watching minor birds peck and scratch dirt. Do we really need to read this stuff? Do followers really want to know the minutiae of other peoples mundane lives?

That afternoon I wrote, ˜Picked Mia up from school. She threw her tennis racquet at me.

Then I told Mia Id tweeted about her. She wasnt impressed.

˜Tweet about your own life, she growled. ˜Not mine!

But I have no life, I wanted to tell her. Besides, Mia throwing her racquet at me was the only highlight of my day I thought people would be interested in reading about.*

Naked tweets

The pressure to deliver is too much. Im no Ashton Kutcher. If I take a photo of my husbands backside and write about it, whos going to care? More importantly, would it be considered porn? Would I be arrested? And anyway, does Ashton really send out all those tweets? Come on! He may not be as busy as Brad Pitt, but Im sure hes got better things to do than twitter all day.

Because twitter maintenance, like waxing, is bloody hard work and time consuming. Plus, it must be done regularly to garner a following (or in the case of waxing, to avoid ingrown hairs).

Life in 140 characters

Quite frankly, I dont have the time. Possibly, I do actually have time, but because the greater part of my day is schlepping kids to and fro, my life is extremely predictable and not worthy of even 140 characters. But as long as I have followers, I guess Ill keep on tweeting!
*In Mias defence, its not every day she throws her racquet at me. Some afternoons, its only an apple core.

image002Lisa Heidke’s new book, ‘What Kate Did Next’ is out in the next few weeks.

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Authors Website:

Profile: After growing up in Brisbane, I ran away to Sydney, via London, and worked in book and magazine publishing. After many years living in the inner west, I woke up one morning to find myself married with three children and living on the North Shore”much to my surprise. I spend my days following the sunshine, with my head in my laptop, drinking cups of tea and writing about everyday women and their triumphs, tragedies and peculiarities. My first book, Lucy Springer Gets Even (Allen & Unwin) was published in January this year and my next one, Kate Cavendish Gets A Life (working title) should be out in time for Christmas.


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2 Responses to “Twitter Time”

  1. Annarosa says:

    It took my about a year to figure out Facebook. that’s enough for me.

  2. Annarosa says:

    Oops, I meant me, not my.