The ‘F’ word

the f word

Getting over it

Everyone, yes everyone, has someone in their lives they haven’t let off the hook. It could have been a betrayal that happened ten years ago or a slight that occurred this morning when someone wouldn’t let you into the traffic line. Staying angry with someone or something is time consuming and wearing, so why do we love hanging onto it so much?

Queen of mean

Janise Beaumont, a self confessed ‘Queen of mean’, has written a book about hate and getting over it, after many years of having a mantra, which was, “Get even and then forgive!” She reckons that keeping unforgiveness going can be a bit like an addiction.”I have somewhere between a theory and a belief, that once one has been in the place of non-forgiveness, it can be very seductive. You get an initial hit or rush from the feeling of hatred,” she explains.

In the hatred zone

And according to Janise we can be angry at something that didn’t even happen,  “It can be a perceived slight. We might have misunderstood what happened. I liken it to being an alcoholic. You can get into that zone. Ive felt rage at someone who has beaten me to a car space or has talked during my Pilates class. It was totally negative, where I could just be so angry at people for small things as well as big things – I was a champion.”

In Janice’s book, she talks about her own experiences of being hurt and to others who have struggled with huge betrayal, and offers a forgiveness 101 guide to getting over it. Obviously forgiveness is a huge subject, an enormous spiritual concept and a vast esoteric mystery, that said, here are five reasons to move on from being mad.

5 reasons to forgive

1. You’re the only one who is annoyed.

Often the person you are angry at  has  forgotten all about what happened or didn’t even know they had caused you to be furious in the first place! So not only are you the one who is still stewing, they’re not suffering at all – you are. This means they get to upset you every day, again and again while they skip off scott free. So not letting it go means you letting them win twice – and that sucks. 

2. Revenge is bad karma

While you might dream of getting back at someone who did you wrong, of kneecapping them, humiliating them publicly, (insert own personal, favourite revenge here) or bitching about them to everyone you know on Facebook and beyond, the truth is after a few moments of victory you will either look pretty mean or feel worse about yourself. The old chinese proverb that says if you want to plan revenge dig two graves instead of one is on the money. Payback comes back to you and it really is better to look dignified.

3. It’s a waste of time

The amount of energy that you can waste burning up with hatred at an ex-boyfriend (who undoubtedly behaved like a bastard in every respect) can be huge. Who hasn’t obsessed for days/weeks/months at a time over some terrible thing that has happened to them at the hands of another. But as long as you concentrate on the hurt you can’t be happy. Being stuck in non-forgiveness can be hell and as they say, happiness is the best revenge.

4. Forgiveness is good for you

It’s been proved. Mentally, emotionally and physically, releasing past pain, resentment or regret makes you feel better. If there is no other reason you can find to finally let it go, then this alone is worth it – unless you are into sado-masochism. Forgiveness can release depression, anxiety and other physical issues. So get out of the prison. If you are struggling to forgive completely, then Janise suggests faking it, till you make it. “If it gets you headed in the right direction it’s worth it,” she claims.

5. It helps you forgive yourself

You can’t forgive others unless you can forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself means living a life without regret and that’s a very good thing indeed.

 

We have five copies of The Power of Forgiveness (Allen & Unwin) by Janise to give away. To win one, please email us below … Power of Forgiveness1

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One Response to “The ‘F’ word”

  1. Debra Van Ommen says:

    Would love to win this for an unforgiving friend.
    Thanks. Deb