Loving your inner bitch

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 Sugar and spice is not all we are made of. Why accepting your nasty side can be a fast track to happiness. ¦

I recently did a session with a woman. Things were going well until I said, œhow would it feel to accept your feelings just as they are right now?

Suddenly the tension shot through the roof and we were eyeball to eyeball like some Clint Eastwood movie. As she sat opposite me, I could sense this beautiful womans inner cobra moving in on me, sizing me up and wanting to strike.

Fighting our feelings

Its amazing just how much this one little question can stir folk up. I know this from first hand experience too. I am very, very familiar with the inner cobra, the part of us that wants to fight our feelings, wrap round them and pull them to the ground and then squeeze the life out of them rather than actually feel whats really going on inside.

In the shadows

Lets face it there are feelings we want, the good guys, the up and out happy ones that we like sharing with the world and then there are the other ones, the down and in ones, those low down dirty painful ones that lurk around the corner in the shadows, in our own shadows, our dark side which belongs to us just as much as the light.

Emotional time bomb

Like a lot of people, I used to have difficulty with painful feelings like unworthiness, abandonment, hurt, disappointment, shame, failure, I didnt want to accept or allow these feelings; I just want to get rid of them, pronto! So my inner cobra went to work. I spent years wrestling my feelings and beating them down with all sorts of very effective numbing out devices and avoidance strategies like, drugs, alcohol, denial, keeping busy and putting my attention on others rather than myself. The end result was a super-charged emotional time bomb waiting to happen.

Out of the darkness

Well self detonate I did, which actually proved to be a good thing. Over time I gradually learned how to accept my feelings, even the really tough stuff. Most of us have many layers of unprocessed emotions, which we have pushed away from ourselves. These unprocessed layers are often the root cause of depression and anxiety. Learning to accept your feelings can take time and it can sometimes feel like a daunting and scary process but its worth it.

So why doesnt acceptance do it for us a lot of the time?

Well firstly it can be very had to admit to being less than sweetness and light. And then because we often view acceptance as defeat, the last resort when all else fails. We can struggle with acceptance because it feels like we are surrendering and waving a white flag up to something we dont want, an indication that we are well and truly beaten,  œaccept this feeling and give it space, you have got to be kidding me – thats the last thing I want to do!

Loving acceptance rocks

Well I am here to shout out from the roof tops that acceptance rocks. Its a powerful recipe for peace and in fact its a great slip road onto the freeway of self-love and inner contentment. Im currently recruiting more fans so if you need a bit of help accepting your feelings here are a eight steps to bring it on.  

1)   Its important to connect with your feelings so create time to do this. Walking on the beach or in nature can be a great place for this.

2)   Be aware of your œshould-ing if you feel something do not go into battle with yourself with – I should or I shouldnt feel this, just fess up that this is how you feel.

3)   Try not to judge your feelings as good and bad, desirable and undesirable as this creates inner tension. Your emotions are part of you but they dont define you or make you who you are.

4)   Remember that all feelings are transient, none of them permanent, they come and they go, the happy ones and the more challenging ones.

5)   If you know you are trying to get rid of a feeling try doing the opposite, use your breath to breathe it into your body, big deep belly breaths, this way you are saying œyes to it and allowing it. By bringing the feeling into your heart and body you will be giving the feeling space and this way you can actually let it go.

6)   When you are feeling emotionally challenged you can make this affirmation  œI am willing to love myself and accept what I feel

7)   The more we love and accept ourselves, all of what we are, the more the world sings this love song back to us.

8)   There are many healers and therapists who can help us process our feelings when difficult ones come up, we all need a bit of help sometimes so love yourself enough to make a call when you need to.     

 

 

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Authors Website: http://www.dimahi.com

Profile: Dimahi is a guide and facilitator who works with you to create positive change, healing and deeper self love. She is a qualified counsellor, clairvoyant and energy healer with many years experience. Dimahi has transformed her own life from toxic to terrific and is currently writing her first book, to be published soon.

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